Tell Me, Baby, What's Your Story or My Life As A Dalek

So like this one time, I was working for an unnamed local municipality when the PTB tried to cut my job out of the blue. A few threats of recall later, city council announces all magnanimous-like that the program was approved for a year and I still had a job. Everything was back to normal, full of springtime and puppies.

If you've read this far you might think you've stumbled across an old post. Let's face it, all the posts on this blog are old. The frequency with which I update here coincides with the number of times I wash my car in a year. Yeah, my car is dirty, but one day that layer of dirt is going to turn into diamonds and I'll have a diamond encrusted car. Take that, diamondless cars.

This, however, is not an old post. The PTB have decided the program is unnecessary and we're on the chopping block--- again. Didn't we just go through this? Oy vey. And there's a meeting today regarding said job cuts! I was supposed to speak at said meeting but I changed my mind. I don't mind addressing the coucil (doesn't that sound fancy!) but when I try to prepare a statement, all I get is "EXTERMINAAAATE!"



How many times have I told Geek Boy no pictures before I put on my makeup?



(This picture has nothing to do with makeup. I just wanted to post a picture of Ten and Rose.)

Since exterminating the council with my eyestick and/or plunger attachment would definitely leave me without at job, I'll just attend this round.

The Written Word

Last night I was telling Geek Boy that I want to write with a quill. I want a quill pen, really. Using an actual quill dipped in ink would be very messy, I imagine---but getting all Shakespearean would be fun! Maybe I can find the ruffle-y neck gear to match! How's that for a fashion statement?

Anyway, the lovely G. posted this over at Nouveau Cheap, and tagged anyone reading it to join in the fun. Here goes:

The rules of the tag are simple--just write your answers to the following questions on a piece of paper:

1. What is your name? And your blog?
2. What's your blog URL?
3. Write: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.
4. Favorite quote.
5. Favorite song?
6. Favorite band/singers?
7. Say anything you want.
8. Pass this along to a few bloggers.



I miss the days of putting pen to paper, so this was lots of fun. Yikes! I almost needed a bigger sheet of paper---or smaller writing, perhaps?

Dejà Vu

Dear IT,

Here I am, writing to you again. It's like were old friends, isn't it? Except for the part where I can't stand you because you block every fucking site I try to access. I understand blocking the games, shopping, sites that would keep the employees from wanting to commit suicide on a daily basis--really, I get it, because you guys suck. But I was trying to access the site for a veterinary office---trying to make a appointment to keep Jeremy the Wonder Dog healthy.

You know who blocks veterinary sites? Nazis. Evil, puppy-hating Nazis.

Dear IT Department

Dear IT Department,

I realize it must be difficult to answer your help desk mail when you're busy patrolling my internet activity, but would you PLEASE not block sites that I need? You know, those job related sites that I use to find people work? Yeah, I kinda need those. So, stop assuming that Leather Works is a porn site rather than a retail site---some people WANT to work retail, you bunch of perverts! Let me do my job---and unblock my favorite blogs while you're at it.

Dangerkitty

When Did This Happen?

One of my clients just said she likes talking to me because I'm nice. I don't think I've ever been described as "nice". This is going to ruin my reputation. You know what else isn't helping? The fact that I'm listening to Billy Joel on the radio right now. Bloody hell.

Excuse me while I go file my teeth into sharp points. I'll be back to my old self in no time.

Why's All The Rum Gone?

Geek Boy and I spent the last couple of weekends watching the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy again. I can't begin to express how much I love these movies.  I love them as much as I love the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. That doesn't say much other than I seem to have some strange fascination with buccaneers, does it? Blame a childhood filled with old Steve Reeves and Errol Flynn movies for the love of all things pirate that makes me brave crowds, heat/rain/cold/random inclement weather, and face my fear of amusement park rides--i.e. death traps--to enjoy some pillaging, plundering, and skullduggery.

How Do I Love Pirates? Let Me Count The Ways.




1. I'm not really an amusement park person. For example, I don't like rides that go very fast, go upside down, bank, drop, --you know, rides that move. But I'll get on Pirates over and over, despite the drop. And I sing every time.

2.I'll stand in a huge line in the L.A. summer heat to get on the ride. More importantly, I don't even whine about it.

3. Some of the cats that I've had over the years share their names with the boats on the ride. There's Aimee, Sabine, Josephine and Josette. They weren't named after the boats, but I still think it's cool. Yeah, I'm that lame.

4. Geek Boy would imply that I love the ride because of the animatronic Captain Jack Sparrow . Lies and calumny, I say! My favorite captain is Hector Barbossa, whose likeness also appears on said attraction. So there.




I never said he was the prettiest pirate. Oh, and MONKEY!




5. The doggie who holds the keys is the cutest thing ever. (Photo courtesy of The Hemmingford Dog Blog)




6. I like yelling "We wants the redhead!" in public. For no particular reason. Cracks me up every time.

7. My Facebook page language is set to Pirate.

8. I've dressed as a pirate captain for Halloween multiple times. Yes, the wench costumes are sexier and one of my outfits makes me look a bit like Captain Hook, but I don't care. My ship, my rules. However, I did share command of said imaginary vessel with Captain Geek Boy and he makes one hot pirate.

9. One of my favorite songs ever is "Jolly Roger" by Adam and the Ants. I stand by my opinion that the Disney costumers snagged Adam's look.






10. I celebrate "Talk Like A Pirate Day" every year. Even at work. Amazingly, I have yet to be fired.


Just for good measure:



Drink up, me hearties!

Crackpot History

This post has nothing to do with the title, except for maybe the fact that I'm kind of a crackpot. Heh, you thought I was going to say crackhead, didn't you? You cheeky little monkeys. The thing is, I can't seem to get "Crackpot History and The Right To Lie" by Adam Ant out of my head. It's not like this song is my favorite off the "Friend or Foe" album or anything. It just seems to have parked itself in my brain.

Since my dear Mr. Ant is providing the soundtrack for this post, I'll use titles of his songs to write said work of art. (This can be a work of art...have you been to LACMA lately? One of the exhibits looks like it's made from old vacuum cleaner hoses. By comparison, this post is a bloody masterpiece.)





Hello, I Love You*

I haven't written in what seems like forever...my poor little blog has been so neglected that I'm surprised Social Services hasn't come after me. Stuff at Chez Kitty has shifted between dull and aggravating, so I figured I'd spare everyone my whining. I hope you've enjoyed the respite. Now let's break out the cheese, shall we?

* Yes, yes, it's a Doors song--but Adam did a cover of it and he can do no wrong. Except for the whole dating Heather Graham thing. She ruined "From Hell" for me. *shakes fist*





Desperate But Not Serious

It looks like my division will be moving out of our old, comfy digs to the some new swankier digs at main Silly Hall. So instead of my crappy office with lots of natural light, I'll have a nicer office with no light and lots of drama. Oh the fun! Let's look on the the bright side, shall we? I'll have lots more material for blog posts!

Place In The Country

Geek Boy and I may also be looking for a new place pretty soon. This fact alone makes up 99% of my stress. I'm not sure how I feel about moving. I like our house, but this may be the chance to move back to Pasadena. I really miss our old neighborhood, but we'd definitely be renting again. I'm fine with that, but I have to find a place that will take both our kitties. There's no way they aren't coming with us. If I dwell on this it can keep me up at night, so for the time being I've been pulling a Scarlett O'Hara . "I'll think about it tomorrow--at Tara" and all that.

Plastic Surgery

No, I haven't gotten any--it would be nice, though. I've always wanted a nose job ---more like a complete overhaul at this point---but I'm afraid my nose won't fit me. Does that make sense? Like I'm afraid I'll wind up with a nose that looks like it belongs attached to some eyeglasses and a moustache. Since I can't afford any surgery, I make due with dying my hair and trimming my bangs. This has resulted in a very important discovery. If you're rocking short Bettie Page bangs NEVER TRIM THEM YOURSELF! Double that warning if you're near sighted like me. The result will be somewhere between a Vulcan (not cool like Spock, but some red shirt Vulcan that dies at the beginning of the episode) and Katnip the Cat.







Mohair Locker Room Pinup Boys

Once again, this has nothing to do with the song, but I'm learning to loom knit! See, knitting, yarn, sweaters--some of which are made of mohair, I think...this totally makes sense. Anyway, I've mastered scarves and have moved on to hats. Geek Boy, instead of being impressed by my looming prowess, is decidedly anti-scarf. He says they're dangerous. Apparently I'm going to get my scarf caught on something which will result in my untimely demise, à la Isadora Duncan. He should have never watched that episode of "Monk".

Violà loom knit hats, as worn by the prettiest of models, Aimee.






Isn't she cute? My favorite thing is the little paw, ready to put out my eye.


Stand And Deliver

Fine, I used this one just because I love the song. Anyway, here's my own dandy highwayman, Jeremy, sporting his new slicker. He's ready for the torrential L.A. rain .

Blog Award! Thanks Ebony!

As if I needed another reason to dig the waaaaay cool Ebony Haywood and her Sizzling Publications, she has once again bestowed the humble little Zombie with a blog award. Thanks, Ebony!





So my five random facts are:


1. I've had at least one pet since the day I was born. My first kitty was named Suzy.

2. I haven't seen my natural hair color since I was 14. I'm amazed I have any hair at this point.

3. I like to affect foreign accents but once I start, it's hard for me to go back to my normal Valley Girl speak.

4. I know all the dialogue from the movie Tombstone. I heart Westerns.

5. I can't walk in heeled shoes. Shoes, no; high heeled boots, yes. WTF?



Now its my turn to pass on the Gorgeous Blogger Award to these gorgeous peeps:

1. Mrsofficer

2. Recessionista!

3. A Tired Wife

4. Keeley

5. Devilish Southern Belle


You're all gorgeous!

Random Tuesday--Rant Edition

I'm late (as usual!) to the party, but here's my Random Tuesday, ummmm, randomness. Thanks to Keely at Random Tuesday---without this outlet, my brain would explode.

My office is cold. Not normal cold, but evil-spirits-lurk-here cold. My space heater gets no rest, even in summer. I'm in sunny, warm Los Angeles , so this coldness? Obviously, this is the work of Satan. Just one more reason why I'm convinced I work on the Hellmouth.


Internet access has been limited by Snidley Whiplash again. First it was IM---the little twerp blocked Messenger, AIM, etc., so I've been using gmail chat. This morning I was all set to talk to my hubby when I tried to connect and got this:



Mussolini Jr. is now limiting my email access. Now I get an allowance of 1 megabyte. The best part? I'm not even trying to send anything or open any attachment...I'm just trying to log into my email.


Just got out of a meeting and am supposed to compile stats regarding the program. Apparently we need to justify our existence to the Dark Lord Sauron, i.e. He Who Rules The Hellmouth. Let me see, the economy sucks and people are losing their jobs. Our program finds jobs for people. Hmmm, seems justified to me. So riddle me this, Batman... how does one justify the annual beauty pageant that runs over $100, 000/year? And I do mean with something better than "its a tradition"...


I'm ready to call it a day.

Random Tuesday--Black Out

I'm joining in On Keely's Random Tuesdays at the suggestion of A Tired Wife. I'm nothing if not random, so here goes!


As I've mentioned before, I'm a child of the 80's. So it stands to reason that I love 80's music and style, right? But no, I'm not talking Madonna here. When my friends were layering bracelets and wearing lace bows in their hair, I was wearing Chucks and a leather jacket. My style icon was, and still is, Chrissie Hynde.



As a kid, I loved Chrissie's tough rocker chick look, which is kind of a hard look to pull off at 13. Well, hard to pull off without looking like an extra from "Foxes".



Cherie Curie looks cool here too, but you get the idea. Anyway, it was as a wee lass that I developed a love for black eyeliner. Lots of smudgy black eyeliner. According to me sainted Mum, I must have been an Ancient Egyptian in a past life, hence my love of the kohl. Seriously, you will have to pry my eyeliner from my cold, dead hands to get me to stop wearing it.

The drawback to all off this? Removing said tons of eyeliner. I can't use eye makeup remover because it irritates my eyes. Wimp. My regular cleanser doesn't always get all the black stuff off , so sometimes I wake up looking rather raccoonish. Enter Gianna and her awesome beauty blog. (If you haven't checked it out already, go! Now! ) She reviewed Clean & Clear Makeup Dissolving Foaming Cleanser and you know what?



It rocks! It gets all the stuff off my face, including the eyeliner. No more morning raccoon eyes!

Since Halloween is right around the corner this stuff might come in handy when removing your scary face.




There is nothing on TV tonight that I want to watch. Geek Boy and I have been watching "Buffy" and "Angel" and playing World of Warcraft in the evenings. Btw, I think Spike made a better boyfriend for Buffy than Angel did.


GRRRRR! It's cold and windy outside. I want my 85 degree Los Angeles weather back!


I'm putting off buying Halloween candy because I know I'll eat it.

Childhood Memories

Repost:

I'm in a gloomy kind of mood right now. I think it's the weather. I'm one of those people who get depressed when the weather gets all gray. Maybe it's because I'm an L.A. kid and I'm used to the sunshine. Anyway, I figured I'd revisit my happy place to shake the blues.

Things I Miss Most About Being A Kid

The 80's

Specifically, the early 80's. The summers of 81-84 were the best--my early teen years. I spent most of the time hanging out with my cousin Patty going to the car wash to buy an Orange Bang! and flirt with the neighborhood boys. These were also the early years of MTV. Remember when MTV actually showed music videos?
Thanks to MTV, I developed my first rock star crush:

Adam Ant




(Capt. Jack Sparrow totally stole his look.)

Orange Bang!



It sounds dirty, doesn't it? It's a drink that tastes like orange and creme ice cream. Almost every day Patty and I made the trek to the car wash to buy one.

Music

Sure, there is still music out there. There's some really good stuff too, but the 80's will always be my favorite. The soundtrack to my early teen years included:

-Adam and the Ants "Kings of the Wild Frontier"


I saved up my pennies and had Mom take me to Licorice Pizza to buy this album. It's one of the first of many.

-The Smiths' "Hatful of Hollow"



No one in my junior high was into The Smiths. They were one of the bands that cemented my "weirdo" status.

-Echo and the Bunnymen's "Echo and the Bunnymen"



Even back then I thought Ian McCulloch's voice was dreamy. :-) Their song "The Killing Moon" (off the "Ocean Rain" album") is my torch song.

The Clash's "The Clash"



I got a hand-me-down copy of this album from one of my older cousins. "White Man in Hammersmith Palais" is my favorite track.

The list goes on and on.

My dog, Shemp*


He was a Bichon Frise. My dad and I found him running through a very busy street and told him to jump in the car. He did--and slept all the way home. It was obvious he someone's pet---he was well cared for and trained. The next day we put up posters, in case his humans were looking for him, but no one ever called. Who knows where the little guy was from or how long he'd been lost.
The vet told us he was about six months old...it was the summer of 1981. He passed away in 1999. I still miss him.

My cat, Suzy*



Suzy was born May 4, 1969. My parents had her before I was born. She knew she was the favorite "kid" and never let me forget it. She was a quiet cat--- soft white fur and pretty blue eyes. People who had never seen her often mistook her for a stuffed toy.
She passed away May 16, 1989, just after her 20th birthday. She'll always be my furry sister.


Saturday morning cartoons

Kids nowadays have it so easy. They can just turn on Cartoon Network and watch cartoons anytime. We had to wait for Saturday morning. That's when the "good' cartoons were on.

Smurfs



Superfriends



Alvin and the Chipmunks



Schoolhouse Rock



I learned many a thing from watching Schoolhouse Rock, including the Preamble to the Constitution. It came in very handy in high school. The only drawback: I could only recite it by singing it.


Melrose Ave.

Today's Melrose Ave is nothing like the Melrose Ave. of the 80's. It was the center for all things punk back then. There were fun places to shop like Vinyl Fetish and Retail Slut, both of which are gone. In the later 80's, it was home of the Burger That Ate L.A.,which was torn down to make --you guessed it---a Starbuck's.


Retail Slut


I miss being a kid.

*Those aren't actually a pictures of Shemp and Suzy. I'm at work and don't have any pictures of my pets on this computer.

13 Things in My Office That Can Be Found Without the Help of GPS

Re-post:

My office is a mess. It's not just in disarray or a bit unorganized--it's a danger zone. It's the kind of mess where a St. Bernard carrying a flask of whiskey will be sent out to find you if you've been in here too long. There are files everywhere. It seems like my inbox and outbox have merged and have started to breed. Still, there are a few things in here that are visible to the naked eye:



1. A Grande Triple Shot Non-Fat Vanilla Latte



I love my coffee. My coffee habit is probably what makes me seem almost human in the morning. But do you know what a pain in the ass it is to say 'grande triple shot non-fat vanilla latte' when you aren't awake? I wish I could just say 'the usual' and my drink would magically appear. Better yet, it would be brought to me by a barista who looks like John Cusack.



No. It would be brought to me by John Cusack.

2. Teen Titans Action Figures

Don't laugh. Oh, like you don't have action figures. And no, they're not dolls. They're action figures.

3. An Open Can of Diet Coke

It will be found in my office at all times. As a matter of fact, I think it was written into my contract when I was hired. Besides, the latte doesn't contain enough caffeine. I need a caffeine IV.

4. A Red Stapler

No plain black stapler for me. This stapler means business. It says ' This is stapled. It's for keeps, bucko. Try to separate these sheets and I'll cut you.' My stapler needs anger management classes.

5. Ashes of Old Lovers



Just kidding. It's just a jar that says' Ashes of Old Lovers', not the real ashes. I flushed the real ashes.

6. My Name Plate

It's on the left hand corner of my desk; it's beauty unmarred by the mess surrounding it. I know--most people have one, but mine is unique. Geek Boy made it for me. Out of paper. Why? Because I've asked multiple times for one with my married name on it but no dice. I've been married for 4 years, but I guess the city wants to make sure it lasts before coughing up the 5 bucks.



7. A Bubble Wrap Ensconced Rectangular Object

I don't know what it is. It's still sitting there in its wrapping. Am I curious? No. It's from the city, for goodness sake. Unless it a check for a million dollars --or my name plate--I don't care.

8. Two Calendars

Yes, they're both 2009. And no, I don't think they dates will vary from one to the other, smartass.

9. An Unopened Can of Diet Coke

Any caffeine junkie worth her salt always has a backup.

10. A Can of Flying and Crawling Insect Killer

It's great. The can looks like those generic products from the '80's. It works, though. Flying and crawling insects know better than to mess with me.

11. A Thermometer

My office is always cold. Like refrigerator cold. I like to know the temperature so I can whine about it later.



12. A Picture of Geek Boy and Me



It was taken on our first trip to Universal Studios as a married couple. I like it.

13. A Plaque

A plaque telling the world I've been working at this bloody place for over 10 years. People think I keep it here because I like it. It's here because I don't want it at home.

Like Burning An Ex's Picture

I was just re-reading the former incarnation of Gingerbread Zombie over at Wordpress, and realized there isn't much there I want taking up valuable space in the universe. So I'm going to bring some stuff over here and the rest will go *poof*! , sort of like my ex should have done . :-)

Staple Young Office Partner*

* This is the stuff I come up with using Magnetic Poetry. I guess it's a good thing that everyone in this office is older than dirt.


I fully intended to write a deep and meaningful post today---who am I trying to kid? I was going just going to blabber on and on, but as luck would have it, I'm too bloody tired. So instead, I've decided to let this picture express my feelings.




How I love my job!

Nice To Be Back

Wow...it's been almost a month since I updated. Talk about slacker... With all the stuff going with Geek Boy's unemployment, my job crap, Mom being ill---well, it takes a toll. Anyhow, I'm back to the mindless drivel.

I hope you'll join me.

Taggage!

What did I find when I turned on the ol' computer upon arriving at the salt mines today? Ebony Haywood tagged me with the "Honest Scrap Award", that's what!





I'm one of the Cool Kids now! Ok, maybe not exactly a "cool kid" but I think that at least gives me kid-allowed-to-stand-next-to-cool-kids status. Or maybe it just makes Ebony a very nice person who tagged this nerd. I think it must be the latter. :-)

Here's Da Rules:

1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!

2. First, the recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.

3. Second, the recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.

4. Third, those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given with this award.

5. Those 10 bloggers that receive this award should link back to the blog that awarded them “The Honest Scrap’ award.

BTW, I love the award name. It reminds me of the t-shirt I want that says "Sofa King Cool". Yeah, I'm a dork.


Now, without further ado...

1. I'm afraid of heights, amusement park rides that drop and/or bank, and other assorted things. Seriously, I'm Monk.

2. I'm an only child and I never wanted any siblings.

3. I tried to escape from kindergarten because I was bored. The warden--err, principal---caught me.

4. I love to sing. I am fully aware that I sound like Alice Cooper but that doesn't stop me.

5. Animals are my favorite people. They love you no matter what.

6. I dated a guy for a long time...he walked out and I didn't even flinch. The next guy, I dated for a year...he broke my heart into a gazillion little pieces.

7. I don't trust people who don't like animals.

8. I don't like dolls, except my Emerald the Enchanting Witch doll. I named her "Allegra".

9. I haven't seen my natural hair color in 25 years. I think it's brown.

10. Because of my first name, I routinely get stuff in the mail in Arabic. I think its kinda cool.



I'm not going to tag anyone--Da Rules! I know!---because most of my faves have already shared their honest scrap. I hope everyone else Ebony tagged participates!

Weekly Silly Hall Update

I'm starting a new weekly feature here at Chez Kitty which will recap all the exciting stuff that goes on at Silly Hall in the lovely municipality known as The Hellmouth. All the exciting stuff...ok, so yeah, this going to be more like a sporadic thing. The last exciting thing we had go on here was the old guy who would routinely berate Silly Council at their weekly meetings. I was the receptionist back in those days. It was fun because I always knew what was going on in The Hellmouth.
Anyway, one time said old guy made some "inflammatory" comments about GWB, which apparently didn't go over very will with the Powers That Be. The very next day, Secret Service came in looking for Old Guy.

They walked in wearing dark jackets with "Secret Service" on the back in HUGE letters. Huge yellow letters. It was like they wanted my Sarcasm Tractor Beam to lock on to them. Those guys had no sense of humor. Seriously, they expected me not to comment? I think they got off easy with my 'you guys suck at keeping a secret' remark. Or maybe it was the "OMG, it's the SS!" comment? I don't know, but they were asking for it. Dirty sluts.

Nothing like that goes on around this place now. Nope, now I have to search for ways to antagonize people just for kicks. Today, it is the Blatant Ignoring of The Dress Code. "Employees shall dress in a professional manner, yadda yadda, blah, blah"...whatever. I think jeans, a black t shirt and black Chucks is plenty professional. My boss had the nerve to ask if my outfit was professional enough ... silly mortal. I told him "sure it is...did I for get to tell you I'm the other Ramone? Sandy Ramone."


Sometimes I'm amazed that I still have a job.

Stuff

I snagged this from geekbetty. If you haven't read her blog , then go now. Yeah, now. I'll wait.


1. name: Sandy (its actually Soraya but no one can pronounce it)
2. birthday: Nov 14th
3. place of residence: Los Angeles
4. what makes you happy: my pets
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last: Devil in the White City by Miss Derringer
6. an interesting fact about you: I'm double jointed
7. are you in love/have a crush at the moment: I'm married, so yeah
8. favorite place to be: the beach
9. favorite lyric:
I know a thing or two about her
I know she'll only make you cry
She'll
let you walk the street beside her
But when she wants she'll pass you by
Everybody says she's lookin good
And the lady knows its understood
Strutter
10. best time of the year: Autum
11. strangest food you like: Cactus salad
12. biggest fear: heights
13. biggest ambition: not sure I still have any
RECOMMEND
1. a film: Grosse Pointe Blank
2. a book: Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block
3. a band, a song and an album: X, "No soy de aqui, ni soy de alla"by Facundo Cabral, Mommy's Little Monster by Social Distorition

OPTIONAL
1. one thing you like about me: your talent
2. two things you like about yourself: loyalty, cooking
3. put this in your blog so i can tell you what i think of you.
4. post a picture of you



Wow! Concealer, anyone? :-)